Love

I once read that nine months is the amount of time necessary to prepare for a baby. At five months, I still feel completely uncertain as to what to expect from labor to birth to caring for the baby. I know my life will change, but I cannot prepare for the amount of sleep I will lose or how our schedules will be shaken up. I do not know how to be a parent and I feel the only way I will know cannot happen until our little one is born.

I can tell you what I feel about our baby at five months in, however. I already love this little person as if I've known (him/her) for years. Perhaps it's all the changes we've gone through together. From the moment Shawn and I found out I was pregnant, I could not wait for some signs that I was actually growing a baby inside of me. It wasn't really until three months in that I really felt pregnant. I felt so tired and sick everyday due to this alien object in my belly. It wasn't until I heard the quick little heart beat that I believed this object is actually a little human. I started feeling more energetic and much less sick and then I started to feel the little movements from the baby. These movements are constant reminders of the life inside of me. One day this life will learn to walk and talk and go to school and get married and grow old just like me. Just recently I cannot sleep a single night without tossing and turning every fifteen minutes and I have heartburn for the first time in my life due to my ever growing stomach and my shortening esophagus (or so it seems). Yes, it is frustrating, but when I am most frustrated, it seems I always have the most wonderful dream about baby. In these dreams I am holding baby and I have this amazing sense of love for him/her and I really do love this baby so much already. I cannot wait until the day we meet this little treasure!